Nan

I followed an old volkswagon bug home tonight. Those always make me think of my grandmother, Nan. She always drove one. First was a white one that we called the litterbug because she would never throw anything out the window. Instead she would throw all paper on the floor. I take after her in that way... She finally broke down and got a new blue bug none too soon - you could see the road through rust holes in the floorpan, but ended up wrecking it soon after. Her bugs always had an american flag taped to the antenna.

She was my mother's mother. She was my very best friend when I was a little girl. I lived in a very quiet valley - actually, I still live in the valley but it's not as quiet anymore. There were no other kids to play with, so I played with Nan. Lucky for me, she loved to play games.

Nan and I would watch "the greed show" aka The Price Is Right together. We would play card games like slapjack and rummy. Nan wouldn't let you win just because you were a kid - oh no! You had to win on your own. We would play her records and I would color while she knitted or sewed. Oh she was an amazing knitter. My mom is also great with the needles and sewing machine. I hope to carry on the needlework tradition at least. I can't sew worth squat, so I'll have to let someone else in the family carry that on.

If the weather was pretty we would pop up popcorn making sure some was ever so slightly burned and take it on the porch. Our beverage of choice was grape juice in her wine glasses. We would sit and just talk. What we talked about, I don't remember. I just remember feeling so grown up and having so much fun with my Nan.

One of the things I really regret about not being able to have children is that I won't get to be someone's Nan. For some reason that is almost more difficult than not being someone's mom. I guess because I've had several years to get used to not being a mom. I hope my nieces don't mind that I will grandmother their children (once they have them - no rush) as well as be the cool great-aunt to them. Surely at least one will want to learn to knit!

Nan died when I was about 11. She had not been well for awhile. As a kid I didn't realize how sick she was. I know she had been in the hospital and was about to be moved to a nursing home, but that didn't tell me how ill she was and that she could die. I remember my mom coming into my room early and telling me she was gone. She would've been 100 this past spring.

Grandmothers are cool.