There's a lot of lessons to be learned when you find out that you are heading down the path in life called infertility. We started actively trying to have a baby 7 years ago this month. After so many years of trying not to get pregnant we thought it would be a simple matter of just stopping the pill. Ha!
I've been diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome and the cute hubby has low counts. That's not to say that I don't lay eggs on occasion and he has zero counts. It's just a diagnosis that would require a lot of medical intervention to create a baby. We just couldn't justify spending huge amounts of money on procedures that weren't better than 25% guaranteed. So, we did a few rounds of the basic fertility drugs and that's as far as we wanted to go. When I turned 35 we stopped actively trying for a baby and left it up to God. If it's to be then it's in His hands.
So after 7 years what have I learned? Well, first off, I've learned that you should never take your fertility for granted. Just because I've had fairly normal cycles over the years doesn't mean that I'm actually laying eggs, nor does it mean that his fertility is for certain either. I've also learned that I am blessed with both of us having issues. There is no thoughts of "well, if he/she was married to someone else then he/she could have kids". We are in this together and it has brought us closer. The common comment at our house is "Don't stand so close to the microwave/Don't put your cell phone in your pocket/Don't stay too long in the hot bath -- it might make you sterile!" For some reason we find that hysterical.
I've learned that people will offer you advice when they find out you don't have or can't have kids. --Just relax -- Start the adoption process and you'll get pregnant -- Elevate your feet/legs/hips afterwards -- Take a warm bath after -- Don't take a shower or bath after -- Drink grapefruit juice -- Eat lots of eggs -- Go on a vacation -- All well meaning advice, I'm sure. I think the weirdest was having my mom give me advice about positions.
I've learned that people just don't know what to say, so what they do ending up saying can hit you wrong. For some reason the question "Have you ever thought about adoption?" really crawls all over me. It is almost like they think we've never heard of adoption before they asked. And in case you are wondering, we've thought about it, we've prayed about it and even went to an orientation meeting with the local DFACS about it. It never felt like the avenue we were supposed to take. I still feel that way.
I've learned that I cannot hide from pregnant women and babies. I can't avoid baby showers, but if the mother to be isn't someone close to me, I'm allowed to not go and not feel guilty about it. Women will continue to tell me that all their husband has to do is look at them and they get pregnant. I'm allowed to paste on a phony smile and cry about it later.
I've learned that fertility testing and treatment strips away any romance about the process. You have so many different people poking and prodding and swabbing and ultrasounding here and there that you start to take all your clothes off when you go to the dentist! The hormones they put you on make you cranky and moody and start to grow hair on your body. The fertility drugs give you hot flashes and mood swings (ooh double moodies with the hormones) and honestly by the time ovulation is pending -- getting romantic really doesn't sound like fun. You pop a thermometer in your mouth the first thing in the morning and become obsessed with your body's clues (I'll save you the details on that one). And just for an added bonus - when you convince yourself that you might just possibly be pregnant - your period comes and it's 10 times worse because of all the hormones you've taken.
I guess the most important thing I've learned on this journey is that I'm not alone. I'm not the only woman in the world dealing with this issue even though it feel like it sometimes. I'm not alone because my God is always with me and He has great plans for me. Plans that were in place before I was even born. So, I have peace about the whole thing and know that we are okay and exactly where God wants us.
Today I ask that you send up prayers for all the women who have empty arms. Couples who are dealing with infertility and all that goes along with it. Pray for a sense of peace to cover them. Only with God's love and love for each other can you make the journey on this path.
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